For centuries, humankind has yearned, searched, and sought to understand the gravity of such powerful emotion called ‘LOVE.’ Many people have killed, lied, and done despicable things all in the name of or pretense of Love. Individuals have gotten heartbroken and hurt because of things done to them in ‘love.’ Some have lowered their standards and succumbed to pressure under a love which makes me wonder; is this Love or an illusion? After in-depth research, I have identified four emotions that are majorly confused or mistaken for as LOVE, and they are lust, admiration, infatuation, and commitment.
Among these four emotions, lust is the strongest. It is mainly found in age-groups 27-45; now although youths between 18-26 have more sexual fantasies, the main action located between the earlier age group, showing that lust has no age. Lust is having a strong desire mostly sexually related to a person, people, or thing. This emotion has led to most marital discord because it is just attraction skin deep. It is not real; instead, it is based mostly on physical attributes and appearance; marriage cannot be built on such fickle foundations.
Lust can be identified by asking personal questions like Do I fantasize about sexual relations with that person often? Do I only want to see that person looking their best only? Have I noticed any other quality, either good or bad, apart from their appearance? If the honest answers are yes, yes, and no, then there is a problem because what you are experiencing or feeling is lust, not Love. Now, what is Love?
Love is a deep feeling of attachment or affection a person has towards another. It is also the passionate affection that constitutes the emotional incentives that lead to sexual relationships between individuals. However, note that other emotions like anger, hate, sadness, loyalty, and lust are also high contributing factors that can lead to sex, not only love. So do not mistake sexual cravings for Love.
An essential aspect of Love is unselfishness. This is the constant and sincere concern towards the welfare of others. Although principles guide genuine Love, it is important to note that there can be useful and unhealthy principles classified as Love, too, although it’s dark. An excellent example of Love is the affection a mother has for her newborn child. In contrast, the love gang/cult members have for each other can be classified as dark because that Love does not seek the long-term benefit of their reciprocate; instead, it’s detrimental.
Now love, although honest, can be misguided, and seen in the case of parents who spoil their kids with so many material possessions and little or no discipline; this Love, although pure, is sentimental and disastrous. Another example of misguided Love is remaining in a relationship with an abusive partner. No matter how much you love your partner, you should not endure or stay in an abusive relationship because Love does not seek to hurt; instead, it builds up; it is firm, honest and kind.
True Love is beautiful. It motivates you to allow your loved ones, hold on to their principles rather than try to weaken it for selfish and personal desires. An excellent example of this is premarital sex. If your partner chooses to have sexual relations after marriage, then True Love is what makes you actively support your partner to achieve that. Individuals who say, “if you love me, you will prove it to me by having sex with me” are manipulators, and they do not truly love you.
Having Love in your heart is one thing, but appropriately expressing them is about very important. Love is not just an outward expression, it reflects the total inner person, strong emotions and the state of the mind. If the mind is not thoroughly equipped with information about True Love and how it acts, then Love could be expressed in the wrong way and manner. Finally, Love does not brag or degrade others; it is selfless, not jealous; it is kind, enduring, firm, and forgiving.
Now that we can adequately identify Love, we can pick out lust, admiration, commitment, and infatuation from the real deal. These emotions are found in everyone; only love is cultivated because it is based on solid foundations, not mere attributes that can quickly fade. Before getting into a relationship, do not be deceived into thinking that you choose to date your partner because you are in Love with the person NO! Love is cultivated overtime; you decided to get into the relationship because you saw qualities that passed your red flag list (this will be discussed in my next article). While dating try to broaden your mind to cover all these facets in your love, then your relationship will be long-lasting. Finally, self-love in appropriate degrees is not selfish, you need to love yourself first nobody will do that for you but obsessive self-love is disastrous and wrong; it repels people from you.
I hope this article was helpful and insightful,
Please read my next article.
It’s your girl Vdina.